It's your pride or it's me

As I sit looking out the window at the wind blowing the birds around in my front yard, I wonder why we are so upset when things go wrong and are hard, as if life is supposed to be easy and we are being wronged when it isn't. The birds out in the wind are going about there day looking for food, I wonder, are they cursing to themselves? Do they feel sorry for themselves on a day like today? I know when I leave my horses out in the wind they get down right cranky so I would think the answer is Yes. Studies say cursing is good for you, it instantly relieves stress. I'm not doing all that well with the stop cursing thing in my real life but I'm still working on it.


Love is hard it comes in so many forms and is so fleeting. They weren't kidding when they said all is far in love and war. The things we do and say because are pride is hurt.

I figured my love life is not salvageable at this point. The relationships with the men in my life have come full circle and each has shown there truth, when I needed them they couldn't get over there pride. I met a man the other night and he thought the best relationships are when a woman need a man. I haven't found this to be true in my life, when I needed them most is when they stand back and watch me drowned. If they started down the path of stating they are not looking for anything to serious but they can't let me go either, it is me who has to let go and move on and so I do. Strangely enough most come back around.
Apparently if you make the mistake of telling the guy you know he is in love with you before he realizes it, you are really screwed. He will take those words "I'm not in love with you" to his grave to save his pride. Each time they come back around I hopefully give them another shot at it but if there pride can't take those words back there is no reason to try again. I think some just want to see if I still care to feed there egos and the truth is they really don't love me. They want me in there life but they are not here in mine.

I don't know how to unlearn what I already know and I have seen this play out time and time again in my life. I am as retarded as the next person when it comes to love. I wrote a song once and sent it to the guy hoping if he new how I felt he would come back, he wanted to wait and see, we were both divorcing and he said "if we were meant to be it will be" The song title was How Will I Know. Wow he was really made when he got the song in the mail and called me a nut, only to tell me years later that he did in fact have feeling for me. I didn't learn anything from that experience and did it again only this time I invited the guy to an open mic and sang the song to him live. The song title was Do I Matter To You, Apparently this is a No No for a commitment phobic guy cause months later he invited me to his show only to dedicate a love song to someone else while everyone turned and stared at me, it had been a year and a half we had struggled with our retardation and most people there new about it. With every relationship you reach that point where it's make it or brake it. I wrote this song in one of those moments a few years back. You should never give a man an ultimatum this is true! or apparently write a song about him but it sure is fun singing about it. All those songs are my favorite songs to sing even though I have moved on, the songs still have life, they were the gift and still ease my soul by singing them.

It's your pride or it's me


I told you a thousand times
love is about compromise
is it so hard to apologize?

It's your pride or it's me
That's the way it's supposed to be

you make everything out to be a fight
will your stupid pride hold you tight
make love to you every night

We keep playing the blaming game
smothering out the lovers flame
can't you see it always ends the same

It's your pride or it me
that's the way it's supposed to be

When it comes to love you don't know what to do
still you won't listen to what I'm tell you
thinking stubbornness will get us through

Hurt feelings need love to mend
did you think your plan through to the end
once lovers now not even friends

It's your pride or it me
that's the way it's suppose to be
could you get down on bended knee
cause if you can't then say la ve
and that's the way it's supposed to be